25 Jul The 13 Worst Underground Transportation Offenses A Passenger Can Commit

Ah, good old underground transportation… we hate you but we love you. On one hand, it would be ignorant to not be grateful for this magical feat of urban planning, which allows us to get from one place to another in minutes when, decades ago, it would’ve taken hours. On the other hand (the hand of our ungrateful, bratty selves), underground transportation is the absolute worst.

Sure, when you’re packed like sardines in a stuffy train car, a brewing hatred for those around you is inevitable. But some passengers make the circumstance even more intolerable by doing things that (we think) should be illegal. These are the 13 worst transportation offenses a passenger can commit:

1. The woman who douses herself in perfume right before getting off

We get it, you have a hot date tonight, but can you please just wait until you step out of the train? I am festering in a flowery gas bomb and I haven’t had access to oxygen in about two minutes

2. The people who walk unbearably slowly through the station because they are too busy texting

I’m really glad you and your friend Josh agree that the new Spiderman was the best one yet, but I have to get to work, so lets get a little pep in that step

3. The guy wearing a backpack, yet moves his torso as if he wasn’t wearing a backpack

With every turn you take, sir, I lose a rib. Please put the bag on the floor, or stand still

4. The guy who stares

I’m already standing on a crowded train, sweating my *ss off after a long day at work, the last thing I need is your unrelenting pervy gaze. If you don’t stop, I will stare back at you, and then we’ll both feel weird… how does that sound?

5. The people who flip out when they need to get off

Lady, you can relax with your “EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! I NEED TO GET OFF HERE.” Most of the time it’s a stop that everyone else needs to get off at too, so don’t worry, your time will come

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