18 Jun 15 People Who Had the Perfectly Savage Response to Their Exes Texts

Some scenarios are just too awful to contemplate: earthquakes, nuclear wars, the collapse of civilisation, and of course, getting a message from your ex. I’ll admit that the prospect of that vacuous she-fiend attempting to contact me puts me in a cold sweat and makes me start carving wooden stakes. Everybody has at least one crazy ex in their lives that they would quite happily feed rhino faeces wrapped in toilet paper to at a moment’s notice, and getting a message from these psychopaths is about as much fun as root canal treatment performed by a drunk dentist.

I’ve had the skin-crawling displeasure of being contacted by an unwelcome ex in the past, and after a few years of therapy, I feel like I’ve finally recovered from the trauma just enough to give out some advice. If an ex contacts you, the best response is to be mature and grown-up … and then unleash verbal nuke upon their heads when they least expect it. Seriously, give them a burn so deep that it’ll put them in intensive care. If you want some inspiration, then look no further than the following examples.

1. A useful spray

2. Anyone would

3. Obama disagrees

4. I’m busy every day, forever

5. Ditch your ex for festival fun

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